The snooze button is my best friend.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
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How can she slap?!?
of 39 votes, 5% like it
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I have two nipples under here.
of 38 votes, 18% like it
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I'm pretending to talk on my phone so that I can ignore you.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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I'd rather be growing a mustache.
of 53 votes, 23% like it
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When I was young, I could pull an all-nighter in my sleep.
of 47 votes, 13% like it
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I'm busy, get a blog.
of 47 votes, 4% like it
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Spellcheck is overrtaed.
of 49 votes, 24% like it
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I got the blueprint,you just gotta follow it...
of 50 votes, 4% like it
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Ewe better come baaaaaaack here!
of 37 votes, 8% like it
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Not the father!
of 52 votes, 4% like it
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Don't waste your time with me...my wallet is empty.
of 59 votes, 19% like it
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Love is color blind
of 53 votes, 11% like it
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I never apologize. I'm sorry but that's just the way I am.
of 50 votes, 14% like it
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without me it's just "aweso"
of 53 votes, 26% like it
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OMG, Stupid!!!!
of 54 votes, 9% like it
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Love is like my third nipple. I don't really need it.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
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I'd rather wear this shirt than have your face.
of 58 votes, 14% like it
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True friends stab you in the front. (knife wound)
of 55 votes, 7% like it
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Make babies not war.
of 54 votes, 17% like it
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I'm putting the sensual back in "nonconsensual!"
of 56 votes, 20% like it
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Bulimia. Because tasting it once just isn't enough.
of 55 votes, 7% like it
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Dr. Hell No
of 55 votes, 11% like it
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Eff ewe see kay?
of 58 votes, 12% like it
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See me later? Not if I see you first.
of 59 votes, 12% like it
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Harold & Maude
of 39 votes, 13% like it
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F*#K cussing!
of 39 votes, 3% like it
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facial hair not included
of 41 votes, 7% like it
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28 days,6 hours,42 minutes,12 seconds.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
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Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
of 40 votes, 8% like it
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Wine. Dine. Beat.
of 39 votes, 8% like it
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New York is for haters.
of 40 votes, 15% like it
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That's between me and my mustache.
of 40 votes, 15% like it
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There is a heart under here.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
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You're killing me Smalls!
of 39 votes, 10% like it
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I was born at an early age.
of 39 votes, 26% like it
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You better axe somebody.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
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There's two "O"s in Goose.
of 38 votes, 8% like it
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Too close for missles, I'm switching to guns.
of 39 votes, 13% like it
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That's a negative ghostrider, the pattern is full.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
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Guns don't kill people, people with mustaches kill people.
of 38 votes, 21% like it
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If I were dead, I would be the last to know.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
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Are you telling me you built a time machine out of a DeLorean?
of 39 votes, 15% like it
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I love my family.
of 39 votes, 13% like it
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Sweep the leg.
of 38 votes, 13% like it
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Paul is not dead.
of 38 votes, 11% like it
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I love the bee tolls.
of 38 votes, 3% like it
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Free mustache rides!
of 40 votes, 15% like it
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Tired eyes recall good times.
of 39 votes, 13% like it
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